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How I am breaking all the rules this year

Updated: Jul 28, 2020

2018 has been full of surprises. If you had told me that 5 months into the year, I would be: 5 months pregnant, living in a different country and currently with no permanent address, I would have laughed. Not a funny laugh. But that nervous, ‘Dear God I hope not, please don’t repeat that’ laugh.

And yet here we are.

I wanted to do a facebook live, but frankly, when I looked at myself on video, all I could see was my pregnant swollen ‘pregnancy glow’ face staring back at me, and knowing my hormones are less then trustworthy at this stage, I decided to ­­­­vent… I mean… write it all out.

Am I blessed? Absolutely. Am I happy for these changes? Definitely. Am I freaked out at times? Incredibly.

When I started my business (while working full time and doing a certification), over a year ago, gung ho doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I felt like wonder woman, I knew what I was doing would change the world – life transformation, helping amazing women take their life and business to the next level – to create a life on THEIR TERMS, to give them FREEDOM… just give me the roadmap and I’ll show you how quickly I can make this happen.

Forget about the new biz stats, I would defy them all.

And I did, for a while. I quit my full-time job so I could work on my biz (replacing in one day my monthly salary), I pivoted, I marketed, I was published, I got awesome clients, I ticked all the boxes while running to the next intervals barely looking back once I passed them.

Then life happened.

Late last year, we had a series of family deaths, within months and even days of each other. I also had a miscarriage on a plane returning from a funeral – and had to go home and complete certification hours to ensure I received my coaching credentials – not to mention working and regular client workload. I felt like I was in a haze.

After saying goodbye to that horrid year, I decided this year would be the GAME CHANGER. Where everything I had been working for came together. That was the only word that came up for me. Game changer. And boy has it.

I realise now, 5 months into this year – that while I have achieved very little of what I ‘set out’ to do in the January 2018 visioning, I have in fact, thrown away my own rule book. I am breaking all the rules this year – and just maybe, that’s what game changing was all about.

We are all either going through, coming out or going into something.

And being in transition (which is something I have done many, many times in my life) feels very different right now. Mainly because I am not as in control of my body or energy, which is a different type of surrender, but on top of that, we are still searching for a place to live, and when people ask me about a birth plan, all I can think is ‘to get a permanent address’. Baby steps, am I right?

I have had to put my ‘business’ ideas on hold, and focus on starting a new life – and preparing another one, in this new chapter I find myself in.

What good is such experience if I can’t share with others to relate? Maybe we are all being held hostage by our own self-created rule books which leave us feeling inadequate, lazy at times and If not careful – seriously self-hating?

So, in the spirit of getting real… I wanted to share with you 4 ways I am breaking all the rules this year:

1. Not listening to experts first: here’s the thing. I LOVE consuming knowledge. Stats, interviews, new trends, I want to know what is working, who is the best and how can I work with those people?! I invested heavily in experts, a coach, and other programmes when I first started out (and thank goodness I did, it made me quickly leap instead of taking micro steps) – but I started replacing their advice with my own intuition. Case in point: I have just finished (FINALLY) my first book. It’s taken me 6 years of writing it, but I put it to the side, because all the ‘experts’ say my book has to relate directly to my paid offerings and I tried to revamp it accordingly – but it just didn’t work. That is not what this book was about (or so I thought). After much internal debate, I realised, God called me specifically to share this story, this message, and to FINISH it – I just had to wait. I felt relief once I typed that last sentence because I knew I had created something that was meant to be and was authentic to the core. Experts are great for sounding boards, but they are not God (not that my clients need reminding of this fact, but my job is to ensure they are so in tune with their intuition they won’t confuse the two). Make sure how you are spending your time is in line with what you are MEANT to be doing.

2. Drop the ‘should’ and go with the flow: I love doing. I love having a check list complete at the end of the day. I love seeing progress in my own life and business. But, being forced to have some down time (pregnancy + illness + general life overthrow = reflective space) I realised I become addicted to the doing. To the point where a lot of my regular business activities were becoming mundane must-do’s. I had to forget the DO and focus on the Being. I stopped posting in my group every day (I feared my group would wind up desolate and empty with just my mother liking my random posts… but alas people were quite understanding when I said I needed some time out). I started blogging (no, not in my business plan) and talking about spiritual stuff (not in my elevator pitch) and just getting real about what was happening with me right now – because I felt I had nothing else to offer (authentically) in that moment. I finished my book. I gave myself permission to be taken care of. I surrendered to what I couldn’t do and just allowed myself to be quiet, unknowing and uncaring about where it’s all leading to. It’s hard being a control freak and having no control. But when you let it go, and let God, that’s when real peace appears – and I have had people coming out of the woodworks to connect with me because I am revealing a different side of myself. Go figure.

3. The process is part of the plan: Hardest part in all of this? Not having a clear ‘action plan’ I can show up with and say ‘5 steps to get you through your life transition in the most awesome, joy-filled way!’. I haven’t been able to bite size it (yet) because I am still going through it. I am minimising the number of clients I am working with, and figuring out what my model will look like when it’s not just me and my hubby around. I love to teach, to encourage and to inspire, and I realise that not just going through this process, but sharing it is one of the most helpful and authentic things I can do – and it’s ALL part of the plan to get me to the next station. Don’t resent the process. Go the distance (Field of Dreams fans anywhere?) and know that its building you into who you need to be for the next level.

4. Choosing faith or fear: No apartment. No obstetrician. No BIRTH plan. No baby business model. No maternity leave. See how quickly this list can turn into Rachel’s own list of horrors? If I focus every day on what I am lacking, I will never get out of bed. I have turned over every important decision to the One who is in control of everything – while taking action from my end to do what I need to do. I know my desires and my hopes, but I don’t know how long it’s going to take to tick all these things off the list – I just know the God who called me to this journey of 2018, with all of its bumps and surprises has it all worked out – the end game is done. My eyes just haven’t seen it yet – so I get to choose faith every day that its all coming to pass (even though it’s not on my timeline).

Game changer: an event or idea or procedure that affects the significant shift of doing or thinking about something. That AHA moment where you are seeing things come together for the first time.

Everyone else’s rules can only take me so far.

My game changer has been throwing away the rule book this year and to start creating a new one: even when I’m unsure, doubtful and not entirely clear on what is next.

Let go of the rule book.

It’s the most freeing story you’ll ever write.

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